Excuse Me Ma'am, I Can See Your Ass

Dory is not my friend.

I have been working under the idea that this girl, as strange and competitive as she is, genuinely enjoys my company. And I was wrong.

Let me tell you a story: Once upon a time, I was friends with a girl we'll call Sam. Sam was a lovely person when I was hanging out with just her, but as soon as another person entered the room, it would become a contest of attention-grabbing. And her, being more conventionally attractive and forthright than I, would always win. If ever the person's attention would waver, she would do... Something. Something dumb, occasionally slutty, once in awhile entertaining. And sure she fucked the guy I liked in my house, but she was my poor, unfortunate, insecure friend... Right?

Soy incorecto.

Sam was not my friend. Sam liked hanging around me because I was kinder, less bold, less pretty, and I took far longer than the average human to rid myself of her toxic influence.

Dory is starting to show many of the same symptoms; she challenged me to a contest she's sure she can win, she carries a better-than-thou attitude, but now she's trying to grab Alex's attention.

We had a small, impromptu movie night on Saturday. To make a long story much shorter, I drank an entire bottle of wine and was sitting on Alex's lap as she stuck her butt out and brought up sex every five minutes. I messed up. I showed my hand. She knows that I still love him, and now she's going to sleep with him.

(You're right, it does take two to tango-and Alex has his dancing shoes on. He does want to sleep with other people but you know what, I don't even have it in me to transcribe THAT series of conversations right now).

And today she invites the two of us to a brewery tour. Oh, no. I've been third-wheeled before. I've played this game, and there are no winners. She wants what I have(Alex, the muse, good friends) and she's not used to getting what she wants. She doesn't spend time with me because she likes me, she hangs out with me because she thinks I'm an easier target. I'm the weaker, slower antelope and she wants to be safe when the lions come.


Dory is not my friend.