"You love me; real or not real?"

"Once you become real, you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always." -The Velveteen Rabbit

Love is like that. Once someone knows you inside and out, loves you for all of it, becomes a part of you- Suddenly, you have become real and alive, and that's something you can't forget or let go of.

Not everyone gets to keep that first fresh breath of life. Life goes on, we lose people one way or another. Rarely do we find someone that stays.

I'm incredibly lucky. I wake up next to the one that made me real. The first breath is gone, and it will never come again; What we have has eternally lost it's newness. We'll never feel the way we did in the beginning, timid and excited all in one. But we can't be unreal again.

It lasts for always.

Breath of Life

I read something that posed the theoretical question "What if, in your first breath of life, you breathed in your soul. Every breath afterwards would have a bit of your soul in it, and when you lose the last piece, you die. They say you become more like the people you're close to all the time, and maybe it's because you're breathing in their soul pieces."

If that's true, then I'll breath deep, and hope that the pieces of your soul infuse me with all the things about you I love.

A Big Problem?

"Number of men with 'bigorexia' continues to swell"

"There’s a new body image disorder in town and this one’s for the fellas. Called “bigorexia," it refers to a victim’s compulsive need to bulk up, no matter how fit and muscular he is. According to an official at the Adler School of Professional Psychology, as many as 45 percent of men deal with bigorexia, also called muscle dysmorphia, the apparent male counterpart to anorexia. Overexertion at the gym, working out compulsively, habitually drinking protein drinks and abusing supplements, all of these can seriously damage the bones (leading to surgery) and intestines (in the form of liver damage). Emotional symptoms of bigorexia include irritability and angry outbursts, as well as depression and mania." [Article found here]


Ignoring the fact that MSN thinks it's clever with that title, I want to talk about my morning.

We woke up around 4 a.m., my beautiful boy and I. As I bumbled around, willing the sun to come up and trying not to spill my cereal, he was up and at'em. Before I knew it, he had made himself a protein-rich breakfast(with eggs and-God bless him- last nights leftover tofu), mixed himself a protein drink, made me eggs on the side(without tofu), and started working out. How the boy is functional that early, I'll never know.

And then, after he gives me a kiss and heads to work, I go back to sleep. When I wake up(again), get dressed, and go to work, I begin my usual morning routine. I log in, check my email, and browse MSN articles, where I stumble across the little ditty above.

Now, I'm not terribly worried. I have yet to see an angry outburst from him, he's not been any more depressed than anyone is after a hard day. I am, however, now on the lookout. I would much rather be someone who fusses over nothing than someone who lets a loved one go on down an undesirable path until the problem is out of hand.

He takes care of me, and I take care of him. That's the way it's been since day one. I'll make dinners that will include liver-healthy foods. He'll keep working out and eventually I'll probably join him, which will be good for me. I can remind him that it's ok to take a break every now and then, and make sure he knows that he's beautiful(even if he doesn't have all the muscle definition he used to). And maybe, one day, he'll get me used to waking up early.