There are some sadnesses that never leave.
I was riding down the highway today, running an errand for work. It was a bit of a hike, so I'd brought my Pearl Jam CD along(yes, I still actually purchase CDs. Call me old fashioned, I guess). I'm having a decent time, singing along. The clouds hovered over me but left a light on the horizon, making the whole day feel like a perpetual dawn. Then "Light Years" begins to play.
I've heard this song dozens of times, and it's one of my favorites from PJ. It's very obviously a mourning song. It's never hit me the way it has today, though. I started thinking about someone I lost, getting nearly to tears by the end of it.
I don't talk about my feelings terribly often(at least not the important ones). I make a conscious effort to keep my real pains and loves to myself. There are very few that know the depths of my grief for this person; Alex, certainly, and Eileen. Other than that I've kept it to myself.
But truth be told, losing her entirely changed me as a person. I lost something beyond irreplaceable; part of me is gone forever and nothing else has moved in to fill that gap. It hurts almost as much as it did on day one.
So anyway, that's today's thought. Peace out, home slices.
