My First Stereo

Recently I added all the CD's in my collection(That's right, I still buy CD's) and put them on my phone. 852 songs later...

One of the older albums in my collection was "What Are You Waiting For" by FM Static. And by older, I mean I got this when I lived with my mother and wasn't allowed to listen to anything they didn't sell in the Christian goods store. The actual disc has survived that long.

FM Static is definitely a high-school band, with songs about being out for the summer and moving on to college. Very juvenile listening, but still a fun punky sound. A few things are still relatable, though, like "My First Stereo". It takes me back to my first stereo...

It was a little thing. I got it in maybe 1998? Blue and black and made by Sony. At the time, it was a marvel of technology. Tape player, CD player, and radio! You could plug it in or run it off of battery! Amazing! I must've gotten it for Christmas.

I used it a bit when I still lived with both parents, blasting music from my bedroom window for everyone to enjoy(I had a mix tape of exactly three songs: "Flood" by Jars of Clay, "Shine" by the Newsboys, and "Hyperactivity by Mark Lowry). It served me well in that capacity.

Then my parents split up, and that radio became my dearest friend. In my mother's house, non-Christian music was banned, but that could never stop me from playing the radio very softly. Eagle 97.7, a station out of Delaware. Every so often they would have replay days when they would play two songs from one band in a row. Those were always my favorites.

Being 12 with no real agency over my belongings, my mother would often borrow it while she worked housepainting and cleaning. That poor little guy got covered in paint, and downright grimy. The antenna got broken at some point there, too.

When mother dearest took all of my stuff from my room(except for my bed), she had the radio at work. When it was returned, it truly became my only solace. I would sit and listen to my music and hope for better times. Of course, being the only thing in my room(and thus sitting on the floor), it became an easy target. During one of our fights, my poor little radio got kicked into the wall and shattered in half.

You would think that was the end, wouldn't you? That it shattered, my heart shattered, and everything was horrible. Not so! The plastic casing was broken, but all the necessary wires were still attached and, more miraculously, it was still working!

I had to be very careful not to move it, but it still worked. As I moved from mom's to dad's, then to another house soon after that, it always kept on trucking. A few well-placed pieces of duct tape in the later years were a great help. Of course with the acquisition of a computer and a new stereo that was still in one piece, he fell out of common use.

It wasn't until moving to Chestertown that I finally bit the bullet and culled him from the material herd. I'd held on to that scrap of plastic and wires as long as I could possibly justify. That stereo was good, and hardworking, and got me through a lot of sad nights. It helped to hear the music and know I wasn't alone; Now, it's good to know that I wasn't alone in needing to hear that music.

Thanks, little Sony boombox. I doubt I'll ever forget you.

Rain, Rain

It has rained all. Fucking. Week.

Everything from heavy rain, to a drizzle, to the gentle pissing rain that gets underneath all of your clothes and soaks into your boots. It's been dreary, to say the least.

My weekend had highs and lows, but Monday brought about a definite clusterfuck. I wasn't in the best mood, and on top of it, I now felt detached from the muse. I thought there may have been a rift that couldn't be repaired. The constantly pouring rain didn't help.

Originally, we had planned a movie night(Civil War!). At the end of the work day, he came to me and said he was a little stressed out, and thought he might have a quiet night at home. Which I didn't mind too much; We're honest with each other about such things. But this isn't the first time recently, and so I was concerned.

After some internal debate I decided to text him. A simple "Are you alright?" He was having some troubles, and when I asked what I could do, he requested chamomile tea. For the record, I made it from the theatre to the store to my house to his house in twenty minutes. I'm impressed with myself, at least.

We sat and had some tea and talked for awhile. Things ranging from the normal to the deep to the silly. An hour or so we drank our tea and chatted, until he mutual feeling of "time to go" descended on the room. I got another good-smelling hug and was on my way.

Both of us have heads that aren't always working quite right. And no matter what happens between us, we'll have to learn to manage it(I, specifically, will have to get used to talking these things out). I think we can manage it. We're gonna be there for each other, even if he's too much in his head, even when I'm scared to reach out, even when it's hard. We'll be there.

As I stepped out of his house, I noticed a patch of blue on the horizon. The rain can't last forever.