There's a fine line between doing what you love, and having what you love being dangled in front of you.
I recently became involved with a show that is, shall we say, not really my style. I auditioned, and was told I had done well. Unfortunately, the director had called me the next week to let me know that there "wasn't a part for me", but could I be stage manager? And as is my way, I agreed. I am a kick-ass stage manager, if I do say so myself.
When I received the cast list a few days later, it seemed as though I'd been duped. Although there wasn't a part for me, there were two for all the other women. I was irritated, to say the least. If the director had wanted a strong stage manager, he could have said so, rather than pretend that there was no room at the inn. That is only the first issue with the casting I have.
Over and over at this theatre I have been told what an amazing actress I am(I filled in last-minute for a walkout in the spring show, about a week before we opened. That same walkout also has two major roles in this show-what the fuck, man? If I'd done that, I'd never be allowed onstage again), and yet I haven't been cast in the two shows since. I don't expect to be cast in every show, obviously, but in casts of 10-30 people one could assume that there's a part for an "amazing actress". I am confused and angered by this discrepancy.
The artistic director of the theatre approached me last week, and asked if I would assist her in producing the show. This is a rather large job, and I did feel good about them reaching out to me to do it. On the other side of the coin, it's a thankless job that requires more effort than most people want to put towards something that doesn't pay. I took the job for two distinct reasons; One, it heavily involves getting people into the theatre, which is important and two, because the artistic director is a very nice woman that is under more stress than she needs and to take some of the producing on would be incredibly beneficial to her.
So now, I've taken on two background roles, neither of which I'm incredibly excited for, and I find myself questioning these decisions. I feel as though I'm a puppet for a theatre that won't listen to my suggestions, continuously forces me into roles that I do not want, and is more concerned about money than art. They know I want to direct, and broaden our horizons, and I feel as though I'm jumping through hoops to get there. But when do the hoops end? What do I have to do to get that done? When will I get to enjoy my craft again?
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