First Contact

With Alex, I made all the moves. I didn't realize it until much later that every date, the first kiss(etc), he move from friends to a relationship- they were ALL me.

And that realization has made me hyper aware of what I do with the muse. I don't want to fall back into the pattern of pushing, of leading the way and hoping he was following. After initiating the last couple of movie nights and setting up a day trip to the aquarium, I had a long chat with myself and decided to draw back(Some would consider this "playing games"; I think with my history it's more like a safety precaution). 

So when he walked into my office Friday and asked me to a movie, I was so relieved. My words are sloppy today, so I'm not doing it justice, but it was the greatest thing in the world. It's not one-sided. He will seek me out to spend time with me. Even if it's just friendship, it's solid and good and healthy in a way not all of my relationships with people are. 

It's a nugget of happiness that I've been holding inside, a coal that keeps my toes warm when the cold winds in life blow. I can't describe what being around him is like. It's the way apple cinnamon smells, or the way the first bite of cold ice cream and warm pie taste together. It's like curling up on the couch to read a good book, and being so warm and cozy that you end up taking an impromptu nap that leaves you feeling refreshed and content.

I'm happy. I'm excited. I can't wait until Friday.