Fall Walks and Talks

There's always been something about the fall that makes me feel bolder, clearer, more secure. Maybe it's the breeze of fresh air after a long and muggy summer, or maybe it's the changing colors and fall aesthetic that really vibes with me. No idea.

But last night, I had the desire to be outside. I was already feeling a little... Well. Tuesday night was spent, again, in the hospital with my mother. I didn't get home until 5:30, catching a quick nap before and after work to make up the difference. So it would be safe to say that my mind hand transcended fuzziness and moved on to that strange sharpness that comes from a deficiency of some necessity(that's what fasting is all about).

I decided to engage in one of my favorite fall sports: Hiking to the store to get hot chocolate. On a whim, I asked Alex to join me. Fall is, after all, the season we got to know each other, and there's a certain familiarity in walking and talking with him when the air is like this. So we walked, and talked. And the talking was going very well.

So well, in fact, that I invited him to sit outside with me while we ate dinner. For the first time in quite awhile, we actually talked openly and honestly. I told him about my long night at the hospital, and my anxiety getting worse, and some of the things that were going on in my life when I first met him.

And, at some point, we brought up relationships(more specifically, ours). I know now that A.) He is most certainly ok with me having other people in my life, if a bit jealous and B.) Screaming out the window "HEY! YOU GOTTA DATE?!" when the muse showed up at my house was, in fact, a "dominance display"(he said that he actually used that phrasing like what the hell). Alex also firmly believes that the muse absolutely has feelings for me which, honestly, I'm both scared and excited by.

It was good. It was nice. I think, if we keep this going, Alex and I could really become friends again. What a nice change of pace.