Empty

A lot of people approach the word "empty" with negative connotations. I personally blame the age-old glass analogy, but I'm sure there are plenty of other word associations that help the general feeling. I mean, who wants an empty wallet?

For me, the word "empty" is a mixed bag. On the one hand, when I don't put food in my stomach and feel nice and light and empty, it's a good thing. It pleases me when I empty the trash, because I enjoy taking care of my house.

But empty is also the way I had been feeling at rehearsals, before I quit the show I was doing. Empty is what I feel when I try to imagine my future. Empty is this wake up-work-go to bed lifestyle that I live. Empty are my hopes that I'll ever direct a play again.

My emotions are up and down. Saturday I went shopping and actually had a good time doing it(which is downright rare. So rare, in fact, that I can't remember a time other than Saturday where I didn't end up half-crying in the dressing room). I even got measured for a bra that would fit properly(yeah, I'm almost 25 and never got properly fitted, sue me).

Really, my life can be summed up in a pro/con list:

Pro: Dad wants me to ride down to Virginia Beach with him on my birthday. I miss taking road trips with my dad, and he says I wouldn't even have to go to the family reunion.
Con: Me and my bff Tony had planned to do something that weekend, though we hadn't figured out what yet. Also, I think my dad only has an approximate knowledge of when my birthday is.

Pro: Haven't heard from my mother in a very long time.
Con: Thought I saw her in Wal-Mart and had a panic attack.

Pro: As soon as ice stops raining from the sky, I can finish up my car and get him on the road!
Con: Ice keeps raining from the sky.

Pro: Didn't owe on my taxes this year.
Con: Will definitely owe next year if I don't get health insurance.

Pro: I've lost about 20 pounds since just after Christmas. 6 of those came off last week from eating nothing but chocolate for three days(go fig?)
Con: I can't look at chocolate. Can't smell chocolate. Pretty sure I won't want chocolate for awhile.

On a side note: Chili flavored chocolate is the devil. You think "Oh, it'll be spicy chocolate, right?" And then you take a bite. It just tastes like regular dark chocolate. What gives? So you chew it, you swallow, and then the burn starts. It's as you take that first burning breath that you realize; this isn't chocolate, it's a way to kill people packaged in convenient bars for unhappy housewives to choke their snack-happy husbands.