Unstuck

Words can't express the joy that's settled into my bones.

After eight or so years after my last I-don't-know-this-director audition, I decided to get back on the horse and try out for Fuddy Meers at the college. I begged my Facebook friends for audition tips, and took the afternoon to get ready. There was a part of me that hoped to see my darlin' there, but it wasn't my main focus.

I sat waiting in the lobby, being one of the first to arrive. Every time the door opened, I would look up on instinct, with only a glimmer of hope. No matter how many times I looked up, I always felt the sting of disappointment. When he finally walked through the door, I lifted my eyes out of habit, before looking down without recognition.

Then a body came to stand in front of me. I looked up, running into gorgeous brown eyes. Those eyes were beautiful, and dangerous, and I knew them.

He smiled and hugged me so tightly it hurt just the littlest bit. He called me sweetheart(which, usually, I don't allow anyone to call me but my beautiful boy-but I decided to add an exception) and told me how good I looked. He said he was doing alright(and even though his friend took his life only a week ago, I somehow knew that it was the truth). He said he wasn't auditioning, just taking a walk. His focus was on me and only me. Finally, he turned to go(incurring the wrath of a few other girls that he'd neglected to speak to). In his joking way, he went back to the door to reenter and "get it right this time". When he walked by, I reached out and touched him- just a small laying-on of my hand against his back as he passed. The gesture felt right.

As he left the building, I watched him go, and it occurred to me that he hadn't been going through the building. No, he'd come to the building. He'd gone out of his way. He had come to see me.

He told me to text him any time, and to text him after auditions to make sure he had my number. He had hugged me and called me sweetheart. He swore to come see my apartment. I know he's not forever-he doesn't have the missing piece of my soul- but he is a phase that I'll pass through gladly.

And to add to this warm feeling, the audition was fantastic.