Not Every Day Is A Good Day

Sometimes, I wake up and the world is sunshine and happiness, the birds sing, and I reflect on how happy and lucky I am. Today was not one of those days.

Yesterday morning, I woke up with irritation in my head. Not at anything particular, just the little things-the wind blowing my hair the wrong way, my egg yolk not being as cooked as I thought and dripping onto my hand. By the afternoon, I knew a full-on funk was coming. I tried desperately not to slip into it, but to no avail. It probably didn't help that I went shopping(which is a 50/50 activity on my best days, let alone a funkday) and tried to assemble a cheap bookshelf(if we didn't desperately need more shelf space, I would have destroyed it).

I put on my best smile when the boy made dinner(cheesesteak wraps!), but I know he could tell that I wasn't thrilled. He's not an expert on women or emotions, so I decided to retreat to a book and let him relax for awhile. I thought going to bed would be a good thing, but as soon as I lay my head to sleep, my brain kicked into overdrive with all of my insecurities.

Now, it's a very little known fact that, after 3 or so years of some sort of relationship and many nights spent cuddling in the same bed, the beautiful boy and I have yet to do.. ya know... the thing. A distinct lack of hanky-panky. Oh, sweet chastity, thy name is...! I'm sure you get the point. And while I find this a really cool thing sometimes(because let's face it, that kind of thing is rarely heard about these days, especially when it involves people that have no religious strictures against the activity), I'm a person that is thoroughly insecure. Needless to say, there are times when I begin to wonder "Why?" and, even worse, "Is there something wrong with me?"

"Is there something wrong with me?"
"Is there something wrong with me?"
"Is there something wrong with me?"
"Is there something wrong with me?"

This, ladies and gentlemen, was my night. Somehow, in that inbetween of asleep and awake(the one that has treated me so well in the past) I somehow got the idea stuck in my head that I'm damaged goods.

Today has been dreary. It is a complete and total funkday. I'm hoping I can pull myself out of this, lest he start thinking that I'm angry or unhappy. I've been invited to a yoga class tonight, and maybe that will give me peace and serenity...and not a pulled muscle.